MAY 22, 2008
By Steve Matthes
Coming off my wildly successful 2008 supercross preview where just about every one of my predictions came true, I thought that I’d get into the same kind of mindset and see what I think will happen in the upcoming motocross season. Please remember that this is all in fun and that all riders, team managers, agents, wives, man-friends and girlfriends should email dannyb@racerxcanada.com and he’ll handle everything.
Glen Helen, May 25th: Track designer, Jody Weisel, running out of hills around the facility for the riders to ride up, comes up with a new one. He makes a hill that leads up to a nearby cloud and the guys turn right around and race back down. Jason Weigandt immediately nicknames it “The Stairway to Heaven.” The races turn out to be pretty good as Ben Townley pulls a “Sebastien Tortelli” and walks away with both motos on his Honda CRF450. It helps out that there are only five 450 riders still circulating at the end of the second moto because everyone else has broken their wheels off on the Stairway to Heaven jump. Tim Ferry wasn’t able to make the race as he showed up at an empty Mount Morris because his body just automatically goes there after being used to showing up there every Memorial Day weekend in the last 20 years.
The Lites class is a toss-up between supercross rivals, Trey Canard and Ryan Villopoto, as they go at it both motos, but Ryan gets the overall because he was measured by the AMA after the race and it was determined that he gave 204 percent to Trey’s 200 percent. An interesting side note to the class is Jason Lawrence going DNS-DNS, as he didn’t start either moto because, as quoted in Cycle News, he was “over it.”
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Villopoto can win the Lites championship if he can focus on the track, rather than the wildlife. |
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photo: James Lissimore |
Hangtown, June 1st: The Dirt Diggers were out in force once again running around and doing their usual great job. There was, however, a somber feeling on race day as a Dirt Digger named Ron Balcaen was killed by Paul Carpenter during practice when Paul didn’t see him. It seems that Ron was a new member of the club and was actually digging in the dirt during practice. James Stewart showed everyone that his knee was 100 percent as he took the 450 victory over Ivan Tedesco and Mike Alessi. In a surprising coincidence, the podium was sponsored by the Asterisk Mobile Medical unit.
250F action is hot and heavy, as Ryan Villopoto has to come through the pack to win both motos. He was forced to start out on highway 99 as a result of a practice confrontation with J-Law once again. He gets off easy again as Jason is forced to stand up at riders meeting by the AMA and gives each rider 20 bucks and an autographed poster of himself. It also seems that rumblings are already out there that Team Suzuki isn’t happy with Ryan Dungey as he’s grown his hair out and has “Thug Life” tattooed on his stomach.
Freestone, June 8th: The series sees a massive upset in the 450 class as the track owner’s son, Clayton Miller takes the 450 class with a convincing 1-1. There’s something fishy with the win as Clayton was 15 seconds a lap faster than second place Andrew Short. Kit Palmer of Cycle News tries to question the referee about some of Clayton’s “hot lines” but the bearded ref named Walker (Texas Ranger) isn’t having it. When he pulls his jacket to the side and shows Kit his six shooter while nodding slowly, Palmer decides to drop it. Halfway through the second 450 moto, there is a loud bang and it’s later determined that it was just Chad Reed popping another cork while partying in Australia.
The Lites class is captured by Josh Grant despite the fact that he suffered 24 tiny little tip-overs. He battled RV2 hard both motos but came out ahead when RV suddenly stopped while leading the second moto when he saw a rare Texas white-tipped quail that he had to “go check out.” Jake Weimer had an inconsistent day going 1-40.
Mt. Morris, June 15th: The series gets a bomb dropped on it when Damon Bradshaw comes out of retirement and wins both motos going away. He never has much of a problem with the muddy conditions as he’s actually in his monster truck. The other riders tried to file a protest but were “persuaded” not to by the pro-Bradshaw crowd. The series loses Ivan Tedesco when he is crushed flat by The Beast from the East, much to delight of the crowd. Team Honda gets 450 bucks from the local recycler for the bike. James Stewart announces that he won’t be racing the rest of the series as he is trapped in his house and buried in money from L&M racing. He goes on to say that he can’t find his man friend, Ratto, either.
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James Stewart will be racing the nationals, but only if he can find a map out of the avalanche of money he's covered in. |
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photo: Simon Cudby |
Ryan Villopoto wins the Lites class in just a dominant fashion going 1-1 on the day. Justin Brayton finishes a career best 2-2 on a KTM. Jason Lawrence has a strong ride going but pulls out halfway in each moto because he got a MySpace friend request that he just had to answer.
Lakewood, June 28th: A national is under the lights for the first time and the reviews are mixed. Andrew Short wins his kind of hometown race but the victory is marred as Mike Alessi was winning the second moto, and looked good for the overall, but he accidentally followed a firefly and went off course. Nobody has been able to find him since. Tim Ferry, his eyesight failing in his later years, struggles to a 34-29 finish.
The Lites class has a controversial finish when Brett Metcalfe and Josh Grant come together right before the finish line and start throwing haymakers. They both roll across the line while wrestling and the AMA can’t decide which guy should win. Trey Canard is the first guy to physically ride his bike across the line and is finally scored the winner. He doesn’t show up for the podium because Chuck-E-Cheese happy hour was going to end soon.
Red Bud, July 6th: Nick Wey, who’s been struggling bad this year on his KTM, bolts Kees Van Der Ven’s shock from his 1984 125 on the 450 and goes 7-8 at his hometown track. Multi-time champ Jeff Stanton comes out of retirement and finishes 3-4 and is disgusted with that finish; his normally happy demeanor is replaced by the old “race face” Jeff when he tells a Make-a-Wish kid to pound sand. Jeff is last seen yelling “I’ll be back mother @#!’s” while running barefoot back to Sherwood. Jason Thomas should be happy with his career best second but tells us on the podium that his new trainer is Damon Bradshaw and that second place sucks. He then smashes the mic across Rob Buydos’ head, throws some rocks at a photographer, and walks away. BT101 wins the race and Cody Cooper, Steve Van Zylun and a King brother carry him away on their shoulders.
The Lites class again has some controversy when Ryan Dungey is trailing Jason Lawrence on the last lap of the second moto and a single bolt of lightning comes down and strikes J-Law. The sky immediately becomes clear again and Dungey (and dragons) takes the overall. Keith “crazy-legs” Bowen comes out of retirement like Stanton but doesn’t have the same results, probably because he chooses to race a 1986 YZ 125.
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Jeff Stanton's returning to the nationals, or at least Matthes thinks so. |
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photo: Steve Matthes |
Budds Creek, July 13th: Jonathan Beasley, not sure on which way he wants to run the track, decides to run it clockwise one moto and counter-clockwise the next moto. Chad Reed, wanting to show everybody how he can come off the couch to win, actually races a Pro Circuit couch. He has a hard time getting good starts and struggles in the turns but finishes a respectable 5-8. After the race, he doesn’t even get off the couch before the party starts. On a side note, Jason Thomas abruptly retires after saying “If I can’t beat him when he’s on a freakin’ couch, I quit.” Tim Ferry, in a repeat of 2003, finishes 1-38 and Davi Millsaps grabs the overall with a 2-1. Brittney George is seen out on the track gang tackling the lappers to make it easier for Davi. Nick Wey climbs up the results chart even further with the addition of Heinz Kinigadner’s subframe off of his championship winning 1985 KTM 250. He goes 4-5 on the day.
The Lites class is a titanic battle in the first moto between RV, Metcalfe, Branden Jessemen and Austin Stroupe. Simon Cudby is needed to break the four-way tie as he got a picture of all of them crossing the line together. The win goes to Jessemen but nobody can hear anything as he just mumbles on the podium. The second moto is more of the same but RV wins when his mechanic installs one bigger main jet that allows RV to go just a little faster up the finish line hill.
Unadilla, July 20th: Nick Wey completes the turn around and goes 1-1 on the day, giving KTM their first ever big bike win. The transformation is complete when he bolts in “King” Kurt Nicoll’s motor out of his 1991 KTM 500. Wey soars so high out of Gravity Cavity that he actually downsides Screw U and keeps on going. David Vuillemin has a breakout ride and goes 2-2. He might’ve won but he pulled into the mechanics area while leading the first moto to update Mototalk on his race.
In Lites class action, Ryan Dungey wins the overall going 2-2. Jake Weimer goes 40-1 thereby keeping up his consistent supercross season. Ryan Villopoto wins the first moto and in an effort to show that he can ride anything and win, grabs team owner Mitch Payton’s wheelchair and attempts to race. Predictably, it’s a disaster, as he can’t get up Gravity Cavity on the first lap. A surprise podium finish goes to Stephane Roncada, who is able to CGI a video-game likeness of himself going across the finish line in each moto for third.
Washougal, July 27th: Josh Hill wins his hometown race and breaks down on the podium, lamenting the loss of his buddy, J-Law, from the lightning strike a few races back. Halfway through his speech, he hears a cop siren and runs away. Grant Langston makes his return from injuries and goes 2-3 for second but says he could’ve won if only he had a 2009 YZ450. Broc Hepler completes the Yamaha sweep with a 3rd overall on the day. Yamaha immediately announces that all 2009 YZ’s will come with a black background and a number one on them. They also include a noose for all the people to hang themselves with after trying, unsuccessfully to get the number ones off.
The Lites class went off with a bang as Ryan Villopoto mounts an elephant gun on his handlebars and sets it off when the 30-second board turns sideways. Everybody ducks for cover and RV takes off with the first moto win. He tries the same tactic for the second moto but fails to notice the banana that is stuffed in the gun, courtesy of Ryan Morais. The backfire is tremendous and causes Ryan’s Kawi 250F to seize. Josh Grant takes advantage of this to win the second moto going away, despite tipping over and washing out 17 more times.
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Grant Langston can't wait for the 2019 YZ450F. |
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photo: James Lissimore |
Millville, August 17th: Mike Alessi returns to the series and explains that in Lakewood, he just wanted to get a jump on everybody and headed straight to Millville to camp out and prepare for this race. He’s been living with the Whoop Monster in the trees behind Holy Schmidt for the last 2 months. It pays off as he wins the race going away. But John Martin still makes Mike pick up garbage later on Sunday night.
The Lites class is all hometown boy Ryan Dungey and he goes 1-1 in a dominating ride. He goes on to explain that he wants to thank pretty much everybody there and throws out Target gift cards from the podium. Monster Pro Circuit’s Austin Stroupe finishes second and Jake Weimer gets third and credits his Canadian Motocross experience for helping him get this far.
Southwick, August 24th: The series moves to the most demanding track right in the heat of the summer and immediately it’s seen as a bad idea as only five guys finish the second 450 moto. The five guys are John Dowd, Pat Barton, Mike Treadwell, Keith Johnson (no, not the New Mexico one) and Tim Ferry. That’s the overall finish order as well. Mike Alessi won the first moto after flying all night from his girlfriend’s prom but DNF’s the second moto with “dehydration” issues. Ron Lechien immediately goes on Mototalk and chews him out before realizing that he did the same thing in 1987.
The Lites riders do not suffer the same fate as the big boys and most of the riders finish. RV and the newest, hottest amateur rider to graduate to pro, PJ Larsen, battle it out. Davey Coombs calls PJ, “The best amateur rider he’s ever seen.” DC immediately tries to retract that statement when PJ introduces DC to his new mentor and life-coach, Eddie Hicks. Tony Larusso gets third with John Finkleday coming back to grab fourth.
Dungey’s title hopes take a severe dive when he straps on his helmet, complete with Target logos, and Villopoto hits the bullseye with the prize he bought himself after Budds Creek. Luckily, RV has run out of actual guns to purchase, so now he’s rewarding himself with tasers after every win.
Steel City, August 31st: The final battle for all the marbles takes place and Troy Adamantis is there to film it and calls it “The Final Battle for All the Marbles.” He sees Tim Ferry win the race and get sweet redemption, clinching the Motocross title. Just like Ray Bourque of the Colorado Avalanche, Timmy has a massive beard and announces his retirement on the podium. Timmy’s championship was won by attrition as he got 12 seconds in the 24 motos.
The Ryan’s (Dungey and Villipoto) duke it out for the title of best Lites rider in the world and finish with identical 2-1, 1-2 scores. They tie for the race win, tie for the series championship and worst of all, Steve Whitelock comes back and awards them half a plaque each. Mitch Payton is furious with this ruling and files a protest against Dungey for having an illegal muffler. He wins the protest but gets sued by Suzuki because it’s a Pro Circuit muffler. So he then sues himself for protesting, and removes the original protest because he needs the money back after suing himself. In the end, a compromise is made, and Villopoto is awarded the title, but must race a 125 at the Motocross of Nations, Mike Alessi gets his 2005 Rookie of the Year title back and I have to pay for all of the Monster Java that I stole from Mitch’s truck throughout the year. Victory is never cheap.
