NOVEMBER 11, 2005
Like many aspiring writers, Todd Kuli has been scribbling on bathroom walls since his first day of kindergarten. Although, in Kuli’s mind, it was merely a clever way to extend his bathroom break and kill some class time, it actually paid off as he now has a highly desirable unpaid position at racerxcanada.com! Oh, what a joy to harvest the fruits of our labour!
Although we will probably use his column as a way to make fun of the entertaining jokester from Wheatley, Ontario, he actually has some accolades that we must acknowledge. Since JSR’s mechanic, Andrew McLean, has single-handedly stolen most of the available Canadian championships from the hands of talented Canadian mechanics, Kuli is one of the few Canucks in recent history with a Canadian title to his name. Without further ado, here is the first edition of Unruly Todd Kuli's column.
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Kuli wrenched for Randy Valade when he won the 125 East title for Blackfoot. |
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all photos by Brett Dailey |
When Brett Dailey and Danny Brault first asked me about doing an online column for the website, I was shocked. [Ed. note: That’s a lie—he begged for months] There were a million ideas running through my head. All of the great adventures I had been on in my moto career … who wouldn’t want to hear them? Then Dailey laid down the ground rules: 1) Keep it to about 500 words. Apparently most internet readers have ADD and can’t handle long reads. Only if we could just get our computers into the bathroom! 2) It has to be politically correct… All of a sudden the millions of ideas I had dreamt up were limited to about five. Does anybody want to learn how to properly lube a chain or clean an air filter? You see ... me being politically correct is like Julian walking around without a drink or Ricky going a whole day without dropping a B52’s worth of ‘F” bombs. The excitement of Bubble’s “works” shopping cart isn’t the actual cart … it's the adventure of getting the cart in the first place. So I figure the column is all about “denial and error.” Now that I have introduced myself to the class, we will move onto our first lesson…
I hate red numbers!!! Why is it that beginner and junior riders must be singled out and “tagged” like some type of third class society? When we go to the starting line, it looks like a death march to a leper colony. I am pretty sure if I called the NAACP we may have a case. Jesse Jackson could speak on our behalf to the “man” about how we are being oppressed by the tag of the red digits. Red numbers bother me so much that I once had a spare set of plastic with black numbers bolted on for the ride in my pickup to the races. Look, I can embarrass myself enough on the track with my riding, I don’t need to do it on Highway 401 as well! So the black numbers would come off when I got to the track and then they would go back on for the ride home. People say that you “earn” your pro numbers. Guess what? Ninety percent of us will never “earn” those pro numbers, but I do “earn” the money to pay for all the stuff to go racing. Why do I have to vandalize my bike with these damn red numbers?
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Brett dug deep into the archives to illustrate Todd's point. Here is a shot of Matt McGuinness from 2003 with junior numbers. Notice how the kid on the bicycle is laughing at his numbers, his gear, his style ... well, everything. The other kid in the shorts is oblivious to Matt's efforts because he's watching the pros who are lining up for the next moto. |
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Fast forward two years and Matt is now sporting black numbers. Heck, they aren't even pro numbers but look at how aggressive he looks in comparision to the photo above. Did he really get faster or is it merely the appearance of his plates? Note the crowd behind the grassy knoll who are admiring his style and agression. |
Did you ever wonder what would happen if there was a Beginner / Junior revolt? How about every rider shows up with proper pro numbers on their bikes! They couldn’t disqualify all of us. Could they? We could start with T-shirts and stickers and take it to Capitol Hill … or better yet, Gopher Dunes. That sounds like a plan—I have always wanted to be the leader of a revolution!
Well, I am at 484 words so I better start wrapping this thing up. I am sure the Ritalen some of you are on is wearing off anyway. ‘Till next time, remember this is motocross, not rocket appliances.
Todd
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Still not convinced? Here's a shot of Jay Burke's brother, Timmy Burke. Yes, he was a junior rider this year but he sure doesn't look like a junior rider here. Note the perfect body positioning and cranked right wrist. Is he just a stylish junior or has he adopted this style simply because he has borrowed Jay's bike which has pro numbers on it? |
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Exhibit #2: Here is Timmy a few months later. Based on his results, he's even faster than he was in the shot above, but look at what the red numbers have done to his style—he looks like he's out for a trail ride! Even his goggle strap has slipped down a little bit due to the gravitational force of the red numbers. But, maybe it's simply perception. If he had black and white numbers, would he look like he was hanging it all on the line and leading a last lap charge to the finish? You be the judge. |
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And for the perfect closer, check out this gem. Brett jokingly came up with the name "Unruly with Todd Kuli" for the title of his column but had no idea that someone had already penned that handle many moons ago. Here is Todd doing a little freestyle (before it was called freestyle) for a promotional piece intended to launch a clothing line labeled ... Unruly. |
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Comments? Have a suggestion for Todd's next piece of unpaid labour? Send us a note to letters@racerxcanada.com |
